So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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