My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
