this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
