Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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