Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
