So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
