Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
