Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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