He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
