I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
