So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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