May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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