HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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