It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I party with great urgency now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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