just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
