Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
