My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
