Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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