nut hugger
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
