Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
