you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
