So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
