You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
