I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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