it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize