I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina is officially offended.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
