when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
