Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
