chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All the doctor said was why
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
