this beer tastes like vomit already
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
