Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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