I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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