i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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