I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
