I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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