You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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