You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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