so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
