Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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