I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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