Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
