I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
