Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
