Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
