what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
