he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
