I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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