The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
