my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
