I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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