I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
