i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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