Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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