Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
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Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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