Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
