We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who died my cat blue again?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
