Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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